ah need a pint

Tell yea whit hiv yea ever goat oot yur bed and the only thing yea can think aboot is a pint?. Honest tae god man. Noo ah don’t want tae gie the impression am some kinda alky ah like a pint just as much as the next man but Christ things are getting bad when your stoatin aboot the hoose at 5 in the moarnin thinkin ah could fair go a wee pint of Carling.

Ah checks the fridge hoping there might be a wee can lying at the back since the new year. am no a great wan fur drinkin in the hoose n that but yea always git in a cargo at the nerday daint yea but naw not a drop ah think my other hauf is a secret drinker.

So I decides Mr Tetley would have tae suffice bit it jist didnae reach the parts real lager does. So ah thinks right big yin Lee oot the milk pour the tea intae ah pint tumbler stick it in the fridge for twenty minutes tae get the temperature right shut our eyes and think lager yea know that thing yea see oan the telly convince yourself something isnae whit it realty is. I will tell yea that’s a load a Sh**e ma lager tasted like Fu**ing cauld tea and  bowfin tea at that.

Noo am sitting here tryin tae cum up wae a decent excuse tae masel  fur bumpin the debt money and going fur a pint or two. ah wish a knew somewan who wiz getting buried this moarnin the other hauf couldnae moan aboot me payin ma respects. Ah rechecks the deeds dictionary in the Times tae check that thur wiznae even somwans uncle ur sometin like that deed bit nae joy every cunt is still breathin.

So am off  doon tae the library tae take back the Times and get ma Record and no doubt have a wee spat wae the joab stealer. Then back here tae sit lookin oot the windae at the high flats wonderin how many immigrants hiv still tae get brand new hooses before they get pulled doon. Canny be many noo every day another fleet of removal vans arrive tae take them away.  Between them and the taxis that turn up awe day at the drug dealers hoose up the next close ah don’t know how ah hivnae died ah carbon monoxide poisoning. awe well better get doon here before sum cunt is aff wae ma paper. Noo that wid drive me tae drink.