God gie me strength honestly the wains aboot here are murder am cumin back fae the library ther wae ma paper and theres this wee boy on a bike cumin beltin doon the street and he isnae fur stoapin ah see there is a car cumin doon the other road and ah get a vision in ma heid of the wee guy going straight in tae the side of it. A roars oot “STOAP WEE MAN THERE IS A CAR CUMIN. This wee rug rat is aboot 5 year auld dis wan ah they slidin side stoaps growls at me and says “Jist cause a wear glessis disnae mean am blind ya dick” then gets back oan the bike gies me the Vicky and peddles aff shoutin back it me “Mind yur ain next time” Thank god it wiznae his 8 year old brother ah wid probably hiv goat chibbed.
Well ah nipped oot fur ah couple ah beers yisturday afternoon done ah deal wae the other hauf. ah git me a score and the wido can get two hunner oot the credit union.
No exactly the best deal ah hiv ever struck but honestly ah hid tae get oot ah that hoose ah wiz climbin the woz . anyway ah gets in the boozer ma big pal Jack sticks me up ah pint he iz the only wan in he hiz only goat aboot a quarter pint ah lager left he gets me wan bit no himself.
ah takes two mouthfaes ah ma lager and then two of the other mates the gruesome twosum John and Joe the black tie brothers (they always find the good funerals where yea get a couple of haufs and a feed ah swear they hiv a mole that works in the undertakers) Come in big Jack sawlly’s wit iz left ah hiz pint.
So anyway big Jack nods tae the bar man puts up 4 fingers tae indicate 4 pints then goes oot fur a smoke leavin muggings here tae pay fur the pints. Joe puts his hauns up right away.”Ah canny return the favour big yin am prattit” John declares a fiver is his wack am like fuk sake tae ma sell 8 quid aff the score so much for cheap pints. Joe swally’s his pint and does wan John spots an auld pal fae school well ah guy he knew who had a few quid in his pocket and weasels his way intae the guys company abandoning us. Jack orders two pints but only has 3 quid so ah hiv tae put a pond tae it so am doon tae 11 quid and ah hivnae been in an hour. 20 minutes later thats doon tae 7 quid and Jack is giving no indication he is leavin. I am swaying whether tae kid on am going home and double back wance Jack is away or jist buy another two pints and be done with it.
When god sent a messenger Big Davie swaggers in the door duffle bag over the shoulder jist aff the rig’s. Ya beauty ah orders 3 pints leavin me a knicker right away big Jack puts the grip oan Davie fur a score ma pleadin eyes tell him tae double it so am back where ah startit well a knicker better aff big Davie wiz buyin two drinks tae oor wan. 8acloak am in the hoose pissed wae a bag ah pakora fae Jimmy’s.and 13 quid introduction money fur the day aye God looks after his own.
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